OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
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