Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
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