walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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