I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
they're like a gay fantastic four
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
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