Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Randomize
