Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Randomize
