we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
