In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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