I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Randomize
