I wanna bring you to show and tell
I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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