chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
