he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Randomize
