Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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