So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Randomize
