I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
It's blow job season.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Randomize
