he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
