I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
