I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
