all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
