My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
