seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
