what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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