I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
