some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize
