bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
