I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Randomize
