Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
