I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
i just made my gag reflex go away.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Randomize
