My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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