Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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