I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
