no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
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