i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
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