I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Who died my cat blue again?
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
