Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
