I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
