tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
