Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
