So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
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