The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize