Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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