Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
