I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
