I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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