Your face is a jimmy john
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
