Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Randomize
