This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Randomize
