I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
