Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
