Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
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