She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
