grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
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