Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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