We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
