i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
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