I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
