your thong is hanging out like whoa
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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