You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
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