The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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