He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
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