WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
