Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Also, beer. Big fan.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Randomize
