I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
