I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
