The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
