I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Another day, another engagement, another cat
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Randomize
