Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
