I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
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