You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
my vag is so smooth its legendary
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
