Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
i need an iv and a liver transplant
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
I love having hate sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
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