Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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