ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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